Surprise! Time for supplies

I'm sure my loyal readers are thinking to themselves, "wow, a Meatcation sounds like such a fun, sexy time, but what does it all mean? What happens next in Meatcation? How does I Meatcationed?"

Listen up, the first thing that you're going to need is supplies. Lots and lots of meaty supplies. But during your fantastical meat-venture you'll need to keep up your nourishment with things like.....

Kidding...?

Kidding!

This is just the kind of nourishment I'll need

For anyone still reading after that evil trick, good for you. You're stronger than most. So, anyway, I had to ask myself, where does one fuel up for such a delicious, self destructive trip of indulgence? Where can I get a shopping cart full of meats at always low prices?

And, seriously, could you be any more fucking patriotic?

I chose not to include any photos of the Walmart clientele, as this blog is not intended to be an appetite suppressant.

To set the mood, the time was last Friday, and I'd just finished that awesome meal. Obviously, I was eating on a very full stomach, so that should influence what I purchase here, right? No need to worry about that 'shopping on an empty stomach thing,' right? Well, probably for most people, but on this day I was essentially a little kid that had actual money.

The results:

First thing's first, we're gonna need a huge pizza. Walmart has surprisingly very good pizzas. Don't even get me started about their wings.

Why are there so many pizzas?! Which one should I buy?

So...many...meats

I also picked up a sexy pork shoulder, but I forgot to take pictures of that in its package...

Whoa! Spoilers!

Oh, also living with a part-time vegan means I don't get to enjoy a lot of these

Cookie Dough is the only possible option here

And the fact that I'm not five means I don't get many of these

I went with the Scooby Doo's and Gushers

These fries are really good

Give me all of the bacon and eggs you have

Not pictured: all of the eggs they had

I'm gonna need to go ahead and take one of each

Looking good so far

Almost done

So then I was all done with Walmart so I went back to work for a little bit. It was boring, so let's flash ahead to home. First things first, I needed to clear some space for my presents

What should I do with all of these vegetables?

A-ha!

Here's some of the spoils of the adventure

OK, well the boring part is done. But I know there's one question everyone is asking: which pizza did Joe buy? Did he go with the pepperoni? Maybe supreme? That Texas pizza?

This is Meatcation, not weakcation, dipshits. Only one possible answer

So now that I did all that hard work, what should I have for my first real meal of Meatcation?

Carbs, water, nutrients. What more do you need?

Turned out I was pretty full from lunch still, so the meat would have to wait a little bit. I did enjoy some Cheez-Its, though. On our next installment...I dunno, I guess other stuff will happen. Unless I get bored and quit. It's about 50/50.